Thanksgiving in Hueco Mundo
by Razzer
Summary: What! The Espada don't know what Thanksgiving is! Aizen must do something about this... hilarious Oneshot


Aizen was excited. Thanksgiving was only a few days away, and not only did that mean it was time to thank himself for conquering Las Noches and gaining the Espada, but it also meant that he was going to get some decent food for once. He rubbed his hands together as he sat perched on the huge chair that happened to be his throne.

"Finally, Gin," he whispered eerily, licking his chops and staring through the darkness into space. "It's finally time... time... for the Holidays."

"It certainly has been long enough, hasn't it, Aizen-sama?" replied his lieutenant, sitting happily on the back of his huge seat. "I can't wait to eat the good stuff. All we get 'round here is the same old same old."

"I can't wait…." replied Aizen, continuing to drool. "Although we may have to get the Espada excited for it too. Not one of them seems to know what's coming. It's downright sad!"

"As if that isn't enough," Gin purred, getting a creepy look. "None of them knew what I meant when I mentioned Christmas."

"What?" Aizen cried in distress, spitting out his tea. "They don't even know what Christmas is? We'll have to reform them right away! Call an Espada meeting immediately!"

"Why a' course, Aizen-sama!" Gin cried, more than happy to comply. He leaped down off the chair and quickly sonido'd out of the room and skipped off to fetch the Espada. Since he felt like going to each one separately and confusing them (which he loved to do), he did.

*Knock Knock*

"Eh? Eh?" Yammy asked loudly, rolling out of his massive bed and thumping onto the floor with a groan. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and lifted his huge self up. He stretched. After he was done stretching, however, he threw the door an angry glare, and then began stomping towards it angrily. "I was sleeping, crazy dog!" he roared, flinging the door open. "What do you-?"

"It's Thanksgiving!" shouted a giant turkey outside his door.

There was a pause, as Yammy's eyes widened.

This was…

…a giant turkey.

There was another pause as the turkey flung its wings upwards in excitement.

"Don't you want to come find out what Thanksgiving is?" it asked, its voice sounding suspiciously familiar.

"Uhhh…" was Yammy's reply.

"Good!" the turkey shouted. "Go change out of your pajamas and meet Aizen in the meeting room in twenty minutes sharp!" and with that, the huge feathered thing ran off towards the next door. Yammy blinked, checked his watch (which wasn't there) and then went back inside. He decided that it was probably just a dream, or a hallucination, or one of Szayel's experiments, but that he'd better listen to it anyway. Time to change out of his pajamas.

*Knock Knock*

Aaroniero stopped reading the book he was in the middle of, and looked up as if he'd heard something. There was silence for a moment.

*Knock knock*

"Hello?" Aaroniero's high-pitched voice asked as the knocking sounded again. The other head swiveled in its reddish liquid and glared at the door.

"Hi!" shouted the person who was on the other side. "Open the door!"

"…why?" Aaroniero asked one of his heads looking back down at the book and enjoying a good bloody battle scene.

"Because it is almost the Holidays!" shouted the voice. "Thanksgiving! Christmas! New Years!"

"What what and what?" Aaroniero asked.

"Just open the door!" the voice called again, frustratedly banging the door again. Sighing, Aaroniero rose, and pulled closed the covering that covered his vial. He strode towards the door and opened it only enough to see who was.

It happened to be a giant turkey.

"Oh my god," Aaroniero said slowly. "What are you?"

"Thanksgiving!" shouted the turkey. "Or, rather, a turkey _for_ Thanksgiving. Aren't you excited?"

"…no," was the reply. The turkey wilted.

"Look, just come to Aizen's meeting place in twenty minutes, will you? He wants to explain the Holidays."

"Aizen? Holidays?" Aaroniero's deep-pitched voice suddenly asked. "Fine."

*Slam!*

"Next door!" the turkey cried, and waddled over to the door marked '8'.

*Knock Knock*

"Not now, curse you people!" Szayel roared at the door from the other end of his lab, where he was carefully transferring the insides of one of Grimmjow's mangled fracciones to a jar. "Lumina, go answer the door, will you?"

"Yes Master Szayel Apporo!" the round, hopping onion-like fraccion chirped, more than happy to comply. It bounced across the lab and threw the door open gratefully. "Hello?"

"Happy Thanksgiving!" shouted the turkey.

"GWAH!" Lumina screamed, turning and hightailing back into the lab as fast as she could go. "Master Szayel Apporo! Master Szayel Apporo! There's something at the door!"

"I _know_ you insolent idiot!" the pink-haired scientist roared in frustration. "That's why I told you to answer it_!_"

"But Master Szayel Apporo!" Lumina cried, hiding behind her master in fear. "It's big and ugly!"

"Like you?" the 8th asked, smirking.

"It's horrifying!" she continued to shout, not catching the insult. "Go look and see – it's terrifying!" Szayel muttered something inappropriate under his breath before setting aside his bloody scalpel.

"Fine, fine!" he shouted, stomping off towards the lab's entrance without bothering to remove his bloody gloves.

"Hi," waved a turkey. Szayel stopped in mid-stride.

There was a pause, as there usually was when one was confronted with a giant turkey in the middle of Las Noches.

"What in the name of creation are you?" Szayel asked, his left foot searching for the floor.

"A turkey for Thanksgiving!" shouted the turkey. "Aizen will explain it to you if you come to his meeting place in 20 minutes!"

"…eh?" Szayel was obliged to ask. The turkey gave a hearty laugh.

"No worries, it will all be explained soon!" and with that, it turned and waddled off. The lab was left in silence as the poor scientist struggled to find his brain again. Luckily, it was still inside his head, and wasn't that hard to find, so a quick organ x-ray was all that took.

"Whew," Szayel said, wiping his hand across his brow. "I was afraid I'd lost my mind." And with that, he went to change into a less blood-spattered coat in which to attend a meeting.

*Knock Knock*

"Open up Zommari!" the turkey called at the 7th door. "I'm trying to speak to you, you know!"

There was silence.

"Zommaaarrriiiii!" shouted the turkey.

Still no response.

"Come come now!" the turkey called. "Come out here where I can see you!"

More silence.

"Hm…" the turkey thought. "Aha. Zommari! If you come out Aizen will give you an _assignment_!"

"He will?" the door flung open and the horrifyingly ugly Zommari appeared. "Excellent!" he ran off without another word the giant fowl. The turkey looked after him for a short moment before shrugging and walking towards the next door.

"That was easy."

*Knock Knock*

"Go away!" Grimmjow shouted from inside, about 0.2 seconds after the knock resounded through his room. He was lying shirtless on his back on the bed, holding some sort of paper above him and reading. Actually, it was another project by Aizen & Gin/Tosen Co. that they all had decided to call a 'newsletter' to distribute to the Espada. They claimed it was to keep them updated, but so far the only things he was interested were the columns on the carrot-topped shinigami's powers, and the scheduled training sessions. The rest of it was junk.

"Oh come now Grimmjow, let me in!" shouted a familiar voice from the other side of the door. Grimmjow glanced at it uncaringly as he tried to place whose it was.

"Why?" he asked, immediately giving up guessing and turning back to the newsletter's illustrations page.

"Because Aizen wants to explain what the Holidays are!" shouted the turkey.

"What're holidays?" he shouted back, flipping a page.

"That's what he's going to explain to you!" shouted the flustered person on the other side of the door hurriedly. "He would like to speak to you sooner than later."

"Who cares?" was the reply.

"You _should_," the voice shouted.

"Well I don't!" he yelled back.

"Well you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Yes you will!"

"No I won't!"

"Yes you will!"

"Geez just shut up and go away already!" Grimmjow roared, leaping up and stomping over to the door, tossing the newsletter as far away from himself as he could. He flung the door open angrily. "Just what do you think you're do-,"

"Come on!" shouted the turkey, waving its feathers wildly about.

Then came the epic pause.

Grimmjow stared at the thing before him with wide eyes, his mind not quite comprehending what was standing before him, nor why, nor how it came into being. He blinked. Still there. He blinked again. It was, undeniably, still there.

"…What?" he asked, since it was the only thing that was coming to mind to say.

"Glad to know you'll join us," said the turkey. "And be sure to give your thanks about it, too." And with that, it stalked off towards the next door. Grimmjow stared at open space for a moment before turning and whacking his head satisfactorily hard off the doorframe.

"Aizen's meeting, right," he said to himself as he walked back into his room. "But no feathered thing."

*Knock Knock*

"Go away, I'm busy!" Nnoitra called from the depths of his cave-like room.

"But Aizen is calling a meeting about Thanksgiving and the Holidays!" cried the turkey. "He wants you to come and see what all the fuss is about and clear your little mind!"

"What the blast to we have to give him thanks for?" asked the 5th, from doing whatever it was he was doing on the other side of the ominous door.

"No, not to Aizen!" he called. "Well… maybe a little to Aizen, but you need to give thanks for all the stuff you've been getting! You need to give thanks for it all!"

"No thanks, and no pun intended," replied the tall, axe-like-zanpakuto-wielding Espada.

"But come now!" the turkey cried. "You _have_ to come! Aizen is waiting on youuu!"

"Waiting on me? Why would Aizen – anyone, for that matter – in their right minds wait on me?" called Nnoitra angrily. The turkey put its hands on its hips in an irritated manner.

"You're an Espada," it replied. "You should know." Nnoitra declined to respond, but luckily for the turkey, an Opportunity came long right then, in the form of Tesla.

"Tesla!" the turkey roared as loudly as it could at Nnoitra's loyal fraccion as he came up through the hall.

"AUGH!" cried the eye patch-decorated teen, nearly jumping out of his socks and landing quite a few feet back away from where he had been a moment ago. "What the heck!"

"Hi," waved the turkey. "You must come with me to the meeting that Aizen is holding!"

"Wh-what?" the fraccion asked, his eye wide with fear. He backed up quickly to the opposite wall.

"Hey, I told you to go away!" Nnoitra hissed, poking his head out of the door and glaring at the turkey. He shook his head and looked at Tesla. "And _you_! What are you doing here, yelling your head off about something as trivial as a giant turkey walking around Las Noches?"

"Um… Master Nnoitra?" Tesla asked, inching his way around the turkey. "It's a-,"

"A what?" his master asked at him, angrily.

"Well, it's a giant… um… what thing you said, sir."

"A turkey? Well of course it is!" Nnoitra roared, pointing at the turkey once more. "I mean, look at it, it's-," right about then, though, it hit him. There was a giant turkey walking around Las Noches. "Good lord, what's that?"

"Just get to Aizen's meeting place, will you?" The turkey cried, before stalking off angrily towards the next door, muttering to itself.

"Whoa," was their combined reaction.

*Knock knock*

"Come on out, Ulquiorra, it's time for Thanksgiving, if you recall!" shouted something on the other side of the door.

"I am not interested in human holidays," the 4th replied back after a moment, not looking up from the sketch he was drawing. The turkey, however, was elated.

"You know about Thanksgiving then, do you?" he asked, his voice full of excitement. "Why that's wonderful!"

"The prisoner took it upon herself to enlighten me quite early on about many of the things that go on in the world of the living, so I do not need your explanation, Ichimaru," Ulquiorra replied, still absorbed in the light pencil marks.

"?" shouted the turkey back. "Whoever said I was Ichimaru?"

"Nobody did," replied the small Espada, glancing at the door in irritation. "I recognized your voice."

"Blast it all," replied Gin, wilting within his costume. "I was hoping nobody would guess. But that's beside the point! Aizen will be delighted to hear that you know about the holidays and will perhaps let you help with his presentation!" Ulquiorra froze, his hand still hovering above the paper.

"Help… him?" he asked, giving the door a dubious look. That was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

"Well, if you're sure that you know," replied Gin, tapping his chin thoughtfully. Ulquiorra's mind raced, quickly trying to think up a valid excuse of getting out of this.

"Um… right," he said back. "Is Thanksgiving not the holiday where one celebrates the coming of a new year?" that would throw him off.

"What? No!" cried Gin. "What kind of delusioned individual are you? That stupid girl – Thanksgiving is nothing of the sort! Come to Aizen's meeting and get that head of yours cleared, will you?"

"Hm," he replied. At least that was better than performing a demonstration alongside Aizen and making a fool of himself before the other Espada. He didn't really feel like going, though, at all, and he would much prefer to stay here and finish the drawing he had started. He waited for a few moments on bated breath in the hopes that Lord Ichimaru would go away and leave him be.

"Well?" called out the voice of his superior. "Are you coming?" The dual personality that Ulquiorra had won rights to this body over would have gotten up at that moment, crashed through the door and cero'd that squinty-eyed man into oblivion with a terrifying roar of anger, but thankfully, the Ulquiorra we all know and love had won long ago and merely gave a slight sigh.

"If you wish," he replied as passively as he could, rising slowly and heading for the door. Upon arriving at it, he opened it slowly.

And there stood the turkey, awaiting his arrival excitedly.

"…" was his initial reaction.

"Come, come!" cried Gin, motioning away down the hall. "I have others to prepare, and we must hurry, for the meeting shall begin soon!"

"Ichimaru," replied the 4th in a slightly exasperated tone. "What are you doing in that ridiculous outfit?"

"Just come on will you?" asked the former lieutenant. He stomped away without another word. Ulquiorra, left with no other choice, really, simply made off down another hallway to get there in his _own_ time.

*Knock Knock*

"Open up, Aizen has a meeting!" Gin cried at Halibel's door loudly. "Come now, stop fooling around with those fracciones of yours and come on out!"

"Just a minute!" Mila Rose, or Apache, or Sun-Sun called out in the place of their sama. Gin crossed his wings over his chest and did wait a minute. He counted straight to 60.

"It's been a minute!" He called out as soon as he'd hit that time. "Come on out now or Aizen's not going to be very happy that you're missing out on such a wonderful experience." As if on cue, the door swung open widely, and Halibel strode out, giving him not a second glance as she walked stately by. One by one, her cute little fracciones flounced out after her, looking him up and down while wrinkling their noses.

"Coming, Ichimaru," Halibel said flatly as she chose to ignore his pompous outfit and get straight to the meeting. "Let's go."

"Sure, sure," grumbled the lieutenant turkey as he shuffled to the next door. He didn't even mention Thanksgiving.

Luckily for him, Barragan's door said "Out Hunting" so he didn't need to bother about him.

*Knock Knock*

"Zzzz," replied Starrk. Gin tapped his foot.

"Come on, Starrk, it's time to get up!" Gin called, giving the door a couple more pounds. "Espada meeting really soon! Get up! Get up!"

"*snore*" was Starrk's reply.

"GET UP!" roared Gin. "Lilynette, are you in there?"

"No, I'm behind you," said the small girl from directly behind him, playing with his tail feathers. He jerked them rudely away.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" he huffed, turning on her.

"Dunno," she replied, kicking around at the floor. She looked up and peered at his feathered face for a moment, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. He looked down upon her with what he hoped was a menacing expression.

"What?" he asked.

"Gin?" she asked, a cracking a smile. "Really?"

"No," he replied, looking away.

"Hahahaha! It's you, you crazy maniac!" she hooted, doubling over with laughter. "You're dressed up as a stupid chicken! HAHAHA!"  
"It's not a chicken," he retorted.

"Bwak, bwak bwak bwak!" she laughed, hopping around like a chicken. "I'm Gin-chicken! Fear my reiatsu! Bwak bwak! Hahaha!"

"Shut up," he replied, turning on the door again and giving it a hefty pummeling.

"Zzz," said Starrk. Lilynette kept on laughing.

"Oh wake up Starrk for Pete's sake," Gin said sourly, yanking the door open and shoving Lilynette in rudely.

"Fine fine!" she wheezed, still recovering from her recent laugh attack. She chuckled and limped her way towards the bed, and then picked up a nearby pillow. Lifting it above her head, she brought it slamming down on her counterpart's face. "WAKE UP!"

"OW!" Starrk cried, leaping straight upwards into the sky and coming down on the floor. "Ow again…"

"Haha!" Lilynette cried. "Boy you two are just way too funny! Take a look at Gin, Coyote!"

"Huh?" Starrk asked, rubbing his eyes and then looking at the door. He spotted Gin instantly.

Pause.

"What the he-,"

"Come along now," Gin said, turning on his heel and stomping away. "It's THANKSGIVING."

"O_O" Lily and Starrk said, after his last harsh sentence. Deciding it was best to simply follow him, they quietly snuck along after him.

Instantly upon arriving at Aizen's meeting room, Gin strode straight up to Aizen, ripped off the head of the turkey costume, and plopped it down on his sama's head.

"Happy Thanksgiving," he said flatly, before stomping out of the room angrily. There was a moment of pause as Tosen sweat dropped in the background while Aizen fought with the feathery costume.

"Argh!" the great lord finally roared, tearing it off and sending its feathers scattering in every direction. "What was that all about Gin?"

"Um… I don't think he liked the assignment, Aizen-sama," Tosen said, looking uncomfortable. "Perhaps the costume was an unnecessary feature."

"But… it _was_ necessary, don't you see?" Aizen asked. "Thanksgiving is all about turkeys!"

"Ahem," said Tosen. "Of course."

At that moment, the Espada chose to enter the meeting room and stumble upon Aizen and Tosen surrounded by a big pile of feathers and a discombobulated turkey head. They all stopped where they stood, eyes wide, staring at the feathery mess.

There was, needless to say, another pause.

"He freakin' killed it!" Grimmjow suddenly roared, pointing wildly at the turkey's head. "RUN!" The sexta Espada took it upon himself to turn around and run through the crowd to make a getaway. The others stared, jaws hanging slack, eyes wide. Then they exploded into action.

"Run!"

"Run for your lives!"

"AUGH!"

"Ruuuuuuun!"

"He killed Gin!"

The Espada all filtered hurriedly right back out of the room they'd entered only moments ago, tearing for their very lives. It was havoc, pure havoc. Aizen stared after them with a blank expression, wondering where they were all going and why. He'd just called a meeting, hadn't he? Finally, though, they were all gone, except one single Espada standing and staring at the mess. It was Ulquiorra.

"Well well!" Aizen said, relaxing and wiping his brow. He began walking towards the 4th. "I knew you'd stay, Ulquiorra. After all, you are my most loyal-,"

However, at this moment, Ulquiorra's alternate personality kicked in. He raised his finger, pointed at Aizen, and sent him blasting away with a cero with a power twice its size. Without another word, the cuatro turned and left the room quietly.

The End.

(Happy Thanksgiving!)


End file.
